What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 14:11
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was in good health!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Can a twin flame runner be happy in a karmic relationship?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My life is so biszare .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One cannot live in the past .
If babies could write, what questions would they ask on Quora?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She married twice! .
Do all armies have the same rank structure?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do unattractive men assume that a pretty woman like me want them?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was scared of men, in general
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
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The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My family never makes their pension either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
I said to her
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why did i forgive my father ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I don,t even have a pension.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I write beautiful poetry .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He knew the spot.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I think the readers, may guess!
Ive learnt so much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I have no regrets .
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im still living with it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were not on the streets..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When she asked me how she looked .
She loved him until the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I could never make a relationship work though!
What did i know ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
This is soul school!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I will be 64.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We all went to grammer schools
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was very sick at this time too.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But it wasn’t much.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She found it foreign!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i lived it daily.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Was to survive, this bastard.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I waited trembling.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Comes on , in middle age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Who then, do I blame.?
All the time i was locked up.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So whats the point in blame.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
This is how, and why children get BPD.